Organising a hen party

The hardest part of a hen party is rarely the programme. It's the group. You put old friends, colleagues, a sister and a future mother-in-law together, and they barely know each other. On top of that, the guest of honour has to be given something that suits her, without being allowed to know anything about it. Below is how to build that day: the guest list, the structure, the money and the moments when it goes wrong in practice.

Why the guest list is the hardest decision

The guest list determines more about how the day goes than the programme does. A group of eight friends who have known each other for fifteen years will manage fine and needs hardly any structure. A group of sixteen with four subgroups who don't know each other falls apart within half an hour, into exactly those four little groups.

Ask yourself two things for each guest. Would the bride mind if this person weren't there? And does this person know at least one other guest? If the answer to both is no, you're better off leaving it. That sounds harsh, but someone who knows nobody and doesn't really belong doesn't have a nice day either.

Pay particular attention to the future in-laws. They're often on the list out of politeness and have a completely different expectation of the day from the group of friends. It works better to invite them to a defined part, such as the lunch or the first activity, than to take them along all day into a pub at half past one in the morning.

The practical limit is around fifteen

Above fifteen participants the day changes character. You can no longer walk in anywhere as one group without booking, transport becomes a separate problem, and you lose part of the day waiting for the last ones. That's perfectly fine, but then you have to plan it as a larger group, with a programme built for that.

How do you structure the day?

A hen party works best in three blocks: an opening where the group gets mixed together, a main activity the day revolves around, and a calmer finish. That order matters more than what you put in the blocks.

The opening block lasts three quarters of an hour to an hour. The aim isn't entertainment but getting the four subgroups mixed up. Anything where people have to do something together in changing combinations works for this. A round of introductions doesn't, because everyone then goes back to the people they already knew.

The main activity lasts one and a half to two and a half hours and is the part the bride will talk about. This is also the only part that really has to be matched to her. Which tasks do and don't belong there is covered in the article on tasks for a hen or stag party.

The finish is deliberately calmer: eating, drinking, sitting. A mistake many organisers make is to plan a third activity here. After four hours on their feet, a group wants to talk, not achieve something else.

A timeline that works in practice

Gather at half past twelve, with half an hour's leeway because someone is always late. Start the opening block at one o'clock. Around two, the main activity, with a short break halfway. Around half past four, wrap up and move to where you're eating. If you want an evening programme, start dinner at six and don't plan anything more after that.

Who pays for what?

In the Netherlands the usual arrangement is that the guests split the costs between them and the bride pays nothing, not even her own food and drink. Convert that into an amount per person and communicate it in the invitation, not later.

Collect the money beforehand too. Collecting afterwards from fifteen people costs you two weeks and three reminders, and it's the part that annoys organisers most. A Tikkie (a Dutch payment request) two weeks beforehand, with a clear amount and what's included, solves that.

Be upfront about the amount before people say yes. Someone who had budgeted twenty-five euros and then finds out they'll pay ninety comes along but spends the whole day with a calculator in their head. Better a cheaper set-up with everyone there than an expensive one with four cancellations.

How much do you keep secret?

Keep the programme secret but not the practicalities. The bride should know what time she needs to be ready, what to wear, whether she needs shoes you can walk in, and whether she should allow for water, heights or physical effort. That gives nothing away and prevents her from starting the day in the wrong clothes.

Also find out beforehand what she really doesn't want to take part in. That can go through her partner or a sister, so the surprise stays intact. Almost everyone has one thing where it really stops, and that's exactly the thing you'd have scheduled by accident without asking.

How do you make sure everyone joins in?

In almost every group there's someone who won't step forward. Give that person a role that isn't taking part but still contributes: photographer, timekeeper, judge. That's almost always more effective than persuading, and in practice that person often joins in halfway because the pressure is off.

The same goes for participants who are pregnant, have trouble walking or don't drink. Ask beforehand, and make sure the programme works for them without adjustment. An afternoon in which one person constantly has to say what she can't do isn't a party for that person.

How do you arrange transport?

Transport is the thing at a hen party that's most often forgotten and most often costs an hour. As soon as the group has to move more than once, arrange it beforehand, even if the distance looks small. Fifteen people making their own way from A to B spend half an hour on the road for three kilometres.

With a programme involving alcohol, one central solution works better than arrangements per person. A minibus with a driver, a regular taxi, or a set-up where everything's within walking distance. If you don't arrange it, on the day itself it becomes a conversation about who can still drive, and that conversation ruins the mood at exactly the wrong moment.

Put in the invitation where people need to be and whether they have to get back themselves. Someone who comes by train and finds out at eleven at night that the last train has gone remembers that as the worst part of the day.

What do you do if an activity doesn't land?

Build in one moment where you can cut things short without anyone noticing. In practice there's always an activity that disappoints, usually because the group responds to it slightly differently from what you'd expected. That's not a disaster as long as you're not tied to a schedule that's nailed down to the minute.

The easiest is to treat the last part of the main activity as flexible. If it's going well, you play it out. If not, you wrap up half an hour earlier and move on to food and drink. Nobody notices anything was skipped, because only you knew the plan.

What you shouldn't do is tack another activity on the end to fill the time. A group that's finished after four hours is finished. Carrying on until the schedule runs out produces the part of the day people later remember as long.

Also look at who ends up together in each activity. If you know three guests don't know each other, put them together in a team in the opening block instead of with their own acquaintances. That feels staged and it's exactly what has to happen, because otherwise that introduction still hasn't happened by six o'clock.

What does a hen party cost?

For most groups the total per person is between €35 and €100, depending on food, drink, transport and what you buy in as programme. The programme is rarely the biggest item: catering and transport usually are.

If you have us run the programme, a compact activity for part of a day starts at €195 for the whole group. A custom programme with its own theme and several activities is between €550 and €1,250. What we do in that is described on the page about hen and stag parties in Twente.

What to get started on early

Settle on the date eight to twelve weeks ahead, because that's by far the slowest part. Once you have to match fifteen diaries, three weeks have gone before you know it, and every week you start later costs you a guest. Lock in a date as soon as eighty per cent can make it, rather than waiting until everyone can.

The planning can go fast after that. Two to three weeks is enough to settle a programme, book restaurants and bars and collect the money. If you'd like us to handle it, three to four weeks ahead is plenty, even in spring.

If you're organising something for a man, different things come into play. They're covered in the article on a stag do. And if you're mainly looking for formats that work with a larger group, take a look at group games for a large group.

If you'd rather not put the day together yourself, we'll build the programme. From a city game through the town centre to a murder mystery dinner to an afternoon with traditional Dutch games. What it costs is covered in a custom proposal.